CherMai

The world is so small..

2011-09-26T21:40:00.002+08:00

Haha..today I managed to add 3 of my cousins in facebook.

everything about the last days in australia

2011-09-26T21:40:00.001+08:00

When it's time to stop, I have to rest. When the wind blows against my face, I felt refreshed. Time seemed to stop for me. And the picture in front of me looks so pretty and clear.

I want to make sure I do not forget parts of my life

2011-09-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have been leading a fairly monotonous life. Knocking off from work, coming back home and switching on my computer, afterwards I will start battling with the computer screen. After a few strenuous hours on mind boggling games, time to go to bed. What a boring life! At times, I start to think, what will life be like if I had done something different today.

Today is my late grandma's 'birthday'. I had only realized it when I flip through my dusty old calendar in my blackberry. Memories are like photo films, passing through quickly in frames and I felt that I just could not hold on to any of them. When my grandma is still around, many of us used to gather in my home town, Malaysia for her birthday celebrations, Chinese New Year and other festive seasons. However, things changed overnight when she was gone. Years have gone, I no longer shed tears like that time when I send her away but I guess the part that I really miss now is the bond that she gave us.

I started writing again solely because I wish to keep some memories of my life when I age and grow old. When I no longer remember how to do financial calculations, walk or even just laughing out loud. I told myself I need a change. And this is the beginning of it.

learning curve bends

2011-05-22T23:31:00.002+08:00

coming to the end of may, almost a year since i graduated from ntu, i wonder how much i have grown. one thing for sure, my learning curve has flattened out. at this very junction, im deciding whether to move on and look for a new role or continue and stay in this comfort zone.

crap..f*** it..lets go back pangkor for a short holiday! hhaha..every year during this time, i hope to go back and visit this very special island. even though, there are little memories there, it still has a special place in my heart.

Old lady on the streets

2010-10-16T18:40:00.000+08:00

A big relief...

2010-07-25T23:13:00.001+08:00

I finally do not have to worry about getting a job. but I have to manage another issue...haha..trying my best to make Vonnie feel at ease about the idea of LDR...I LOVE IVON

2 months without a job

2010-07-11T01:02:00.002+08:00

No money and commitment makes a life very dull and meaningless...

Drifting away

2010-05-31T15:42:00.003+08:00

I drifting further and further away from my darling...

I m a Graduate now!

2010-05-25T00:41:00.003+08:00

I should be extremely happy. I have just accomplished a milestone that none in my family has ever achieved. I finished my last paper on 7th May and unofficially I declared myself as a graduate since I believe my results will not turn out to be that bad that I have to be retained ba...fingers crossed...hahaha...nonetheless sticking to my motto...fun first den worry...i went to taiwan for a holiday on 8th..just returned from heaven...oooO..super shiok de la..lotsa fun over there....

But as my adrenaline dies off, I have to face another challenge. In fact, there are more than one tedious chores I have to attend to. Job hunting is one of them..but it seems like my character makes it very hard for me to really worry. I'm those type of person who can so easily forget all worries...but never mind, I love challenges...I will overcome all obstacles and achieve my goals de...chiong ah!

I love Ivon

2010-03-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

If anything were to happen to me, the last word I want to say to Yvonne will be "remember me only as a good friend"

My life is a joke...

2010-02-13T01:31:00.002+08:00

I have no other means to express my feelings but to talk to a cold screen. So much injustice and a thousand words will not be sufficient to describe my grievances. Life is so unfair. People flirt around, fool around or even commit adultery but they went unscathed. I don't even think of it but I am being accused of being a liar and a bastard. I am lousy. I felt worse. A guy not worthy of anything. I am such a failure. I don't seem to get things right. Job hunt is not looking good. My mum is furious with me because I didn't spent enough time at home to pack my stuff. My sister hates me because when I attempted to pack those stuff, I created some unwanted hussle along with it. My final year project deadline is pressing hard and I even had to wake up early in the morning at 7am just to go my friend's house to do the fyp project. I spent more time in school nowadays but never attend lessons. Guess what....I meet my professor to discuss my fyp and not my studies. In class, I never understand what the professor said because I didn't revise before I attend lessons. Where did my TIME go? This is my question for the entire year. I spent too much time on irrelevant stuff. I am going to get charged in court for my absence for RT. Crap!~ But I still have to face the worst scenario. ( going into detention barracks) I didn't tell anyone...I was feeling so terrible the whole day because of all these troubles but I still have to act nothing has happened and continue to be joyous...what a joke....Perhaps I'm too weak mentally and crumbles easily. Confidence now is certainly at all time low. Putting up a strong front in front of my friends, family and Yvonne is killing me. I am stresssed..........I tried my best to coax her but she still wouldn't believe what I said.....7 years of relationship and yet she still doubt me...what a failure.....I think a dog is better than me because even if he urines in the house, he do not need to act like a DOG and pacify their master to forgive them........human beings are too smart to enjoy the same benefits. But our lives are definitely much worse off than theirs....It is just like crying without tears. All have dried up. My soul is sunk to the deepest point of the sea. I no longer see hope.

Life shld be shorter

2010-01-10T20:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if life shld be shorter...

Empty

2010-01-10T19:51:00.004+08:00

I'm realli confused...life is in total mess now...only 1 hr of gaming can relieve my mind temporarily off all the stress. My mum is always nagging me to do this and that, saying that I never grow up...I dont dare to get money from daddy becos he always blame me for spending too much...I have no money...very at wits end...I feel damn terrrible...I cant seem to get things right....I sucks...my morale is going down...down....I am a CHeerful person in front of others...1 that doesn't care abt anything...but in fact alot of things are always going around in my head...buzzing and oozing my nerves...I try to be the source of happiness for those around me but I have forgotten what is true happiness myself..everyone hates me....I guess I am realli a failure in relationship.

why cant 1 understand that I dont express my love through fluffy stuff...those little things that I did everyday are meaningless....I dont like to say openly to other pple what I did for my loved one and everybody start to have the impression that I do not care...but who realli understand me? I may appear to be nonchalant but I realli do think about the gifts and stuff....I am trying very hard already but the gift is not even out...the intended person has lost the patience...I am devastated....am I a loser?

First paper!

2009-11-24T19:59:00.003+08:00

Yesh! I finally had my first paper today. I have been waiting for this day for so so long. Alamak....the waiting had been torturous lo...The hardest paper of all 4...but i managed to finish it before time is up. Hiak Hiak...sibei song~

NOTHING

2009-11-20T13:33:00.001+08:00

I need to grow up!

Dejected

2009-11-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

I just received the rejection email from UBS. I guess the role that I applied for required much better results than I expected. It's so disappointing as the online test I did last night appeared to be very easy. Confidence level is once again at all time low and the hunt for job continues.

Feels like a new semester

2009-10-09T14:59:00.002+08:00

After the spring break, I went for my first tutorial. It felt like as though it is my first lesson for the semester. Haha...I totally forget how it feels like to study. I guessed I am still immensed in my own holiday mood ba...how i wish Ivon is still in Australia..haha..even though the Gold coast trip was short, I still felt so happy because of the company I have there. Ivon really makes my day...haha...still kinda miss her alot...

Good time never last.

2009-09-28T14:18:00.003+08:00

I finally understood the meaning of 'time flies'. These 7 days have been one of the happiest moments of my life. Yvonne came over to Sydney to accompany me and we travel to Gold Coast for a mini holiday trip as well. Even though I get to see her almost every day before I come to Sydney, I never felt so estatic when I first see her at the airport. I felt a slight warmth in my heart when I saw her walk out of the arrival gates. For the next 6 days, I shifted all my attention to her as though I am living in my own world with only her as my companion. However, good times never last. Fear begins to creep in. Fear for 28th Sept when she have to go back to Singapore. I sent her to the airport. I wanted to ask her to stay for a week more but I know it is impossible. At first, I thought to myself, "Just a couple of months, I can see her again and everything will be fine."

I walked her to the departure gates. I bade goodbye to her and gave her a hug. Her face flushed and tears started to roll down her eyes. I was shocked at first. But when I stared at her watery eyes, my heart felt so painful and the thought of her leaving makes me feel so wrenched. Tears swelled up in my eyes. I told myself to hold them in as I don't wana make her feel worse. We hugged for one last time. I saw her walked past the departure gates. Soon after, a lonely man started to roam around the airport in search of the observation deck. I hope to see her board the plane but I realised their obeservation deck is not linked to their departure gates. Feeling really disappointed.

P.S. Guan Da was instrumental in this wonderful experience in Sydney. I would like to extend my thanks to him by giving him a 'Hello Titty' shirt and hope that he will wear it to the future gaming sessions. Haha

Fate?

2009-09-14T21:17:00.002+08:00

I guess fate has decided for my fren that its better for him to stay single forever. He thought that he has found someone who really understand him, love him and someone that he love. But in a series of events that didn't turn out good, has made him realised that the woman he loved most does not understand him at all. I believe he is certainly not a guy who lacks motivation and like to drag things. Words from her were so hurtful and really leave a very deep impression in his mind. My fren told me that it was very hard for another person to see things in his own shoes. He seeks understanding and most probably at this moment when she sees this blog, she will be fuming. She will very likely message my friend and give him a piece of mind.

Things dont go well

2009-09-14T21:09:00.001+08:00

I m alone

Hebe vs 3 blind mice

2009-09-02T18:06:00.002+08:00

What a way to end the week...

2009-08-30T02:46:00.002+08:00

Luck is on the wrong side. The match between the league's strongest team ended with a really bad taste. The better team lost. Throughout the entire match, referree was blind folded with his heart with the home team. I do not understand the reason for giving Arsenal players so many yellow cards when the more physical side gets away with warnings. Arsenal got a clear penalty in the first half but he turned deaf ears to appeals. Yet, he award a penalty for Manchester whose standard dropped so much after the departure of Ronaldo. I'm sure their luck will run out soon. To all contenders of the EPL crown, the ultimate chance is here, grab it!

Regret

2009-08-22T20:14:00.002+08:00

I hope that Ivon will reopen her blog again because I think it would be more fun for us to communicate in this way and see each other's share of views from different perspectives. Please...dar..i plead u to publicize ur blog once again.

Hope to recover fast

2009-08-18T09:38:00.000+08:00

LAst night as like before, I couldn't sleep properly. Stomach was growling like mad and I had diarrhea. The feeling was probably similar to that in Batam. I felt worse because Yvonne wasn't around to pat some back. Haha..though it is not proven medically that patting will help one to recover faster but at least provide some sense of comfort. My mind is forever in a twirl. I find it hard to rest because of aching bones and diarrhea. My lips are dry even though I drank tons of water and I lost all my appetite for food. That sounds unbelievable but everything just taste so blend to me. Let's hope that I can recover faster and finish up my tutorials in hand. Otherwise, I will have hell week on next monday.

Very upset...

2009-08-05T20:56:00.000+08:00

Lastest update from Yvonne is that she cannot find a friend to accompany her to Sydney to visit me. I'm very upset about this matter. It's really very hard to understand her plight from a normal point of view, but I totally understand and as her boy friend I feel so helpless. I really wish her to come visit me but I know the chances are slim. I shall pray for miracle to happen and someone out there please be kind enough to lend a helping hand.

Yummy seafood

2009-08-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

Our first home cooked meal

2009-08-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

Wow...it was so much fun to cook our own meal in a foreign country. Firstly, we do not seem to find the right spices and sauce for our oriental dish. Haha..I guessed I should start learning some Italian or french cuisine. What do Aussies normally eat? I really had hard time trying to find a proper Aussie recipe that is relatively easy to prepare. LAter on, I shall upload some photos on my cooking. I prepared some ABC soup and seafood lasagne for my apartment mates. Cross my fingers they are edible. For goodness sake, I cooked for my wife, Yvonne so the standard should be quite acceptable de ba~...hahaa

Worried...

2009-08-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

My mum called me to inform me that my uncle was hospitalised and had to amputate one of his toe. He is diabetic. I guessed he had a slight knock that caused the toe to swell and rot. haiz....it's really worrying because of the previous similar cases that I heard of from my friends. I'm in Australia right now, and I felt so useless. I can't be of any help to him. Argh!...

A fishy day

2009-08-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning, we dressed up like fishermen hungry for some fresh and juicy seafood at the famous SYDNEY FISH MARKET. The moment we stepped into the vicinity, we could smell the strong fishy stench that probably drew hundreds of sea gulls to the port.

Look at the sumptous seafood spread! Omg, how i wished my buffet khakis and my darling Ivon were there for the massacre. Haha...I just cant keep my eyes off those bright and colourful sea delicacies. My saliva filled my entire mouth, only my sheer determination kept them in. I felt damn weak when I see them.

First time in my life......

2009-08-01T22:07:00.001+08:00

It was the first time in my life that I was surrounded by so many seagulls, stupid looking birds and pigeons. After a long walk down the circular harbour, we bought some delicious fish and chips to satisfy our hunger. Just when we were about to goggle up all the food, a flock of birds flew over and started to show some form of aggression towards us. haha...seagulls are not that cute afterall. They are just like those ugly crows in Singapore lurking after your food. It was so intimidating that we started running away from them. They stalked us like a pack of hungry wolves. In the end, we had to hide ourselves in the subway to finish our meal. What a pathetic way to end the day!

Sydney Opera House

2009-07-31T21:47:00.000+08:00

Macquarie University international organise this cruise party as a welcome night for all inbound exchange students. A beautiful night but without my darling Ivon, I just feel not so perfect.

Internet is so bloody expensive!

2009-07-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

I have never thought that internet can be that expensive. I guess I'm too used to the unlimited broadband access in Singapore.

Hungry trolley stunners

2009-07-31T17:43:00.000+08:00

We went shopping at the Macquarie shopping center. it is probably the nearest and ONLY shopping mall in my vicinity. Oh crap! It was a long stroll. Cold and hungry, we dragged ourselves to every mobile outlet, trying to fix our phone and internet access. After a few fruitless attempts, I finally got my per-paid SIM with Optus. It took me at another 20 minutes or so to verfiy my details with the operator. Luckily, she was friendly over the phone, otherwise I would been cursing and swearing as the process was really gruelling. I cannot use a better word to describe myself other than "devastated". My stomach is growling like mad and we head straight to the FOOD court just below the mobile shop. OMG, the mixed rice with 2 additional dishes cost 8.90 AUD which is equivalent to 10 bucks in SGD. I could have eaten at least 3 plates of that in Singapore. Super expensive man! I suddenly felt so poor. My first meal was at the fast food chain in Australia called the HUNGRY JACKS which really describe my feelings at that point of time. Next, we went to Woolworth's ( like Carrefour in Singapore) to buy our groceries and pillows. Alright, obviously we bought a lot a lot of stuff and would not want to carry all those heavy plastic bags back home. haha...we "BORROWED" a few trolleys (like those aunties in Singapore) and managed to push them home. We had a mini joke among us. We tried to convince ourselves and be pretentious that we are only pushing the trolleys to our cars and not bringing them back. And so we kept saying that we are going back to our cars. Soon after, it just became our secret code to "KOP" the trolleys. hahaha

My first day in Australia, Sydney!

2009-07-31T17:34:00.000+08:00

Argh...the weather is damn cold here...when i first stepped out of the transit airport at Perth, i though they have outdoor air conditioners...haha...it's even colder than in Vivo city and Great World city. I really regretted not bringing more jeans to Australia. My luggage are full of shorts and bermudas! zzzZ...i can imagine my shivering face.

A lousy day

2009-07-14T19:46:00.001+08:00

Ivon is returning from Taiwan!

2009-05-03T12:51:00.000+08:00

A very exciting beginning of my day because Ivon is returning from Taiwan after a long holiday. Yesh...finally get to see her after my examinations. I really missed her a lot man. Mm...now in office trying to sort some administrative stuff and at the same time, see whether got any luck in fixing an appointment to boost my sales for the upcoming week. I wonder what shirt did Ivon buy for me? Haha...hopefully it's not too tight because I seem to grow in size over the last few days.

A very challenging day

2009-04-08T18:12:00.000+08:00

I have trying to curb my temper for the past few days. Sometimes when everything goes against you and you have nobody to tell, that feeling is quite annoying. I think life has too many misunderstandings to begin with. So many endings are determined by your every decisions at different situations, junctures and at even just a split second moment. Every little details matter, at least to some, especially me whom is super sensitive to the surrounding. Haha..maybe that's my strengths? I must apologise to all that I offend unknowingly and I must really tell them that I don't mean anything bad. Is there a right and wrong area? A lousy mood sums up the day

My heart bleed for my friend

2009-04-05T16:21:00.000+08:00

My friend told me about his quarrel with gal friend. He said that his gal friend complained that he rather go for his friends' birthday party rather than go her house during a very busy period for my friend. Even though my friend often accompany his gal friend and even went over to her house whenever he wants to see her or send her home after her work. When she is sad or feeling unwell, he will buy things for her and tries to cheer her up. Once he waited 1 hour plus for her at Dhouby Ghaut during times when he is very busy but he did not say to anyone except me. His gal friend always feels that he treat us better than her. But the truth is it never happen at all. He met his friend once because it's his birthday and that friend is his long time buddy(10yrs). On another incident, he met his group of friends during his grandmother in law's funeral. How ironic? On every other ocassions when he tries to squeeze time for her, no one knows. His gal friend does not know where the time for to accompany come from. It simply comes from his own sleeping time, his own entertainment time, including his family and friends time. I believe everybody needs friends. We are warm blooded social animals. My friend does not blame his gal friend for accompanying her family when he wants to meet her. He understands because he loves her. He never complains about her gal friend not being to do this or do that because he loves her. He don't need anything from her as he only needs her company and listening ears when he is feeling low or stressed from work. He tries his best to accommodate everybody in his life but he realised that everybody is in the end unhappy with him. He has forgotten how to love himself. I urged my dear friend, learn to love yourself and do not care so much about other pple's feelings. Only after so, your life will be happier and better. If you love your gal friend, ditch all your friends. You can only have one thing in your life - love. Unless one day, she decides to leave you then you may realise that your world is so empty. My friend is always hoping that his gal friend will understand his stand and stop questioning his love for her. I will urge my friend to buy a calendar and start to jot down every hour that he spent with his gal friend or talk to her over the phone as a measure to prevent over favourtism of friends. There is no room for friends.

Tired soul

2009-04-02T15:00:00.001+08:00

Just finished another presentation...very tired man...haha...totally screwed up though. I think I can't kick my habit of typing 3 little dots behind every phrase of my sentence. Later meeting Mr rubber bin for dinner, hopefully he won't be late again. Exams are coming. Time super precious man. From my calculations, most likely I will not be able to complete my full revision. Mm..desperate measures for drowning students like me. Evil thoughts...haha...shut off all communications from now on? Though I find it quite hard not to call Yvonne every night to chit chat and talk cock sing song. GrRahh...I look forward to starting a new semester in a completely different environment. Studying for the sake of results irks me. I must find a reason for studying now!

The Beginning

2009-04-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

The beginning is always challenging. It's kinda hard for an old man with a young heart and fatty body to write such lengthy stories every day. But i guess it will help to bridge the gap between vonnie and me when I'm in Australia...haha...let's see whether i'm good at writing grandmama story...3 cheers to myself