Taiwan 08 Apr 2014

Reminds me of Exercise LongWalk...

Travelling alone in Taipei already makes me feel damn lonely, a quick look down the looooong stretch makes it worse.

Haha, I really admire those whom can backpack travel alone in a foreign country. That kind of fear and loneliness not many can overcome...

First time in my life......

It was the first time in my life that I was surrounded by so many seagulls,

A road trip with my old sec buddy!

Early in the morning, Shing Shao came over to our apartment with his Nissan March to fetch us. Our first destination determined by his itinerary was to Bald hill near Stanwell Park. Along the way, as usual we talked alot of cock and bull stories.

When we first reached the place, I just cannot believe my own eyes. The view from the top of bald hill is marvellous!

A very tough part of my life.

Today my sales for new stall at Jurong point hit new high 1400.it is supposed to be a happy event but I can hardly smile. There's so many questions in my mind. Do we have enough for year end bonus payout? Can we pull through this very tough year?

But none really bothers me much except for my problems at my own backyard. I don't think I have done a good job as a husband, a father or a filial son. I have failed my duties terribly for trying to handle too much things. I tries to juggle many things in life and in the end, more problems arose. Vonnie mui has been pretty upset with me lately for the changes in our life. Certainly, challenges lie ahead. I fear for the worst as I do not know how to make her feel happier. We no longer laugh like before as there are far too many arguments and misunderstandings between us. I no longer have 24hrs for her. I admit my heart and soul is now divided between business and family. While business has taken a toll on both my mind and my body, I seek asylum from my wife and when I do not have any comfort or sympathy from her, I complain. It's hard on her as she is a simple lady whom wish for simple family life. I failed to fulfil my duties and responsibilities. How I wish she can be happier but I'm trying the short cut, I'm trying to make her feel less upset. Will god ever give me a clearer path in life if there's really one. Please teach me how to balance work, life and family. Is it possible or is it really only for the strong l, powder full beings that's far beyond my reach. I envy other couples. So happily ever after. Why are there only unhappiness for my wifey?

A real home

It has been quite some time I spent time on this blog, writing what I am really pondering over.
Many new events for me so far, I got married with my lifetime beloved, Vonnie Mui and she gave me a very cute little Edward. Things looking rosy when I thought it will be a happily ever after ending.

Recently, I suddenly felt very lost. I start to look for the definition of a real home. A simple definition will be a roof over your head and somewhere you will return to after a long day of work. For myself, I longed for a sense of belonging. Somewhere where I can feel at ease, relax totally and be free from all chains and barriers.

Time and again, I felt so stressed up. I am a gigantic bird trapped in a cage, every moment being tracked and monitored by my owner. Every single action is being scrutinized, criticized and judged. Illusions of a real home soon fade. I am confused whether the place where I go back everyday is a home now.

My only consolations come from my dearest darling and my little son. I hope they give me strength to step up and be brave.

May all of us get a real life out there!

The world is so small..

Haha..today I managed to add 3 of my cousins in facebook.

everything about the last days in australia

When it's time to stop, I have to rest. When the wind blows against my face, I felt refreshed. Time seemed to stop for me. And the picture in front of me looks so pretty and clear.

I want to make sure I do not forget parts of my life

Lately, I have been leading a fairly monotonous life. Knocking off from work, coming back home and switching on my computer, afterwards I will start battling with the computer screen. After a few strenuous hours on mind boggling games, time to go to bed. What a boring life! At times, I start to think, what will life be like if I had done something different today. 

Today is my late grandma's 'birthday'. I had only realized it when I flip through my dusty old calendar in my blackberry. Memories are like photo films, passing through quickly in frames and I felt that I just could not hold on to any of them. When my grandma is still around, many of us used to gather in my home town, Malaysia for her birthday celebrations, Chinese New Year and other festive seasons. However, things changed overnight when she was gone. Years have gone, I no longer shed tears like that time when I send her away but I guess the part that I really miss now is the bond that she gave us.

I started writing again solely because I wish to keep some memories of my life when I age and grow old. When I no longer remember how to do financial calculations, walk or even just laughing out loud. I told myself I need a change. And this is the beginning of it.   

learning curve bends

coming to the end of may, almost a year since i graduated from ntu, i wonder how much i have grown. one thing for sure, my learning curve has flattened out. at this very junction, im deciding whether to move on and look for a new role or continue and stay in this comfort zone.

crap..f*** it..lets go back pangkor for a short holiday! hhaha..every year during this time, i hope to go back and visit this very special island. even though, there are little memories there, it still has a special place in my heart.

Old lady on the streets

A big relief...

I finally do not have to worry about getting a job. but I have to manage another issue...haha..trying my best to make Vonnie feel at ease about the idea of LDR...I LOVE IVON

2 months without a job

No money and commitment makes a life very dull and meaningless...

Drifting away

I drifting further and further away from my darling...

I m a Graduate now!

I should be extremely happy. I have just accomplished a milestone that none in my family has ever achieved. I finished my last paper on 7th May and unofficially I declared myself as a graduate since I believe my results will not turn out to be that bad that I have to be retained ba...fingers crossed...hahaha...nonetheless sticking to my motto...fun first den worry...i went to taiwan for a holiday on 8th..just returned from heaven...oooO..super shiok de la..lotsa fun over there....

But as my adrenaline dies off, I have to face another challenge. In fact, there are more than one tedious chores I have to attend to. Job hunting is one of them..but it seems like my character makes it very hard for me to really worry. I'm those type of person who can so easily forget all worries...but never mind, I love challenges...I will overcome all obstacles and achieve my goals de...chiong ah!

I love Ivon

If anything were to happen to me, the last word I want to say to Yvonne will be "remember me only as a good friend"

My life is a joke...

I have no other means to express my feelings but to talk to a cold screen. So much injustice and a thousand words will not be sufficient to describe my grievances. Life is so unfair. People flirt around, fool around or even commit adultery but they went unscathed. I don't even think of it but I am being accused of being a liar and a bastard. I am lousy. I felt worse. A guy not worthy of anything. I am such a failure. I don't seem to get things right. Job hunt is not looking good. My mum is furious with me because I didn't spent enough time at home to pack my stuff. My sister hates me because when I attempted to pack those stuff, I created some unwanted hussle along with it. My final year project deadline is pressing hard and I even had to wake up early in the morning at 7am just to go my friend's house to do the fyp project. I spent more time in school nowadays but never attend lessons. Guess what....I meet my professor to discuss my fyp and not my studies. In class, I never understand what the professor said because I didn't revise before I attend lessons. Where did my TIME go? This is my question for the entire year. I spent too much time on irrelevant stuff. I am going to get charged in court for my absence for RT. Crap!~ But I still have to face the worst scenario. ( going into detention barracks) I didn't tell anyone...I was feeling so terrible the whole day because of all these troubles but I still have to act nothing has happened and continue to be joyous...what a joke....Perhaps I'm too weak mentally and crumbles easily. Confidence now is certainly at all time low. Putting up a strong front in front of my friends, family and Yvonne is killing me. I am stresssed..........I tried my best to coax her but she still wouldn't believe what I said.....7 years of relationship and yet she still doubt me...what a failure.....I think a dog is better than me because even if he urines in the house, he do not need to act like a DOG and pacify their master to forgive them........human beings are too smart to enjoy the same benefits. But our lives are definitely much worse off than theirs....It is just like crying without tears. All have dried up. My soul is sunk to the deepest point of the sea. I no longer see hope.

Life shld be shorter

Sometimes I wonder if life shld be shorter...

Empty

I'm realli confused...life is in total mess now...only 1 hr of gaming can relieve my mind temporarily off all the stress. My mum is always nagging me to do this and that, saying that I never grow up...I dont dare to get money from daddy becos he always blame me for spending too much...I have no money...very at wits end...I feel damn terrrible...I cant seem to get things right....I sucks...my morale is going down...down....I am a CHeerful person in front of others...1 that doesn't care abt anything...but in fact alot of things are always going around in my head...buzzing and oozing my nerves...I try to be the source of happiness for those around me but I have forgotten what is true happiness myself..everyone hates me....I guess I am realli a failure in relationship.

why cant 1 understand that I dont express my love through fluffy stuff...those little things that I did everyday are meaningless....I dont like to say openly to other pple what I did for my loved one and everybody start to have the impression that I do not care...but who realli understand me? I may appear to be nonchalant but I realli do think about the gifts and stuff....I am trying very hard already but the gift is not even out...the intended person has lost the patience...I am devastated....am I a loser?

First paper!

Yesh! I finally had my first paper today. I have been waiting for this day for so so long. Alamak....the waiting had been torturous lo...The hardest paper of all 4...but i managed to finish it before time is up. Hiak Hiak...sibei song~

NOTHING

I need to grow up!