A very tough part of my life.

Today my sales for new stall at Jurong point hit new high 1400.it is supposed to be a happy event but I can hardly smile. There's so many questions in my mind. Do we have enough for year end bonus payout? Can we pull through this very tough year?

But none really bothers me much except for my problems at my own backyard. I don't think I have done a good job as a husband, a father or a filial son. I have failed my duties terribly for trying to handle too much things. I tries to juggle many things in life and in the end, more problems arose. Vonnie mui has been pretty upset with me lately for the changes in our life. Certainly, challenges lie ahead. I fear for the worst as I do not know how to make her feel happier. We no longer laugh like before as there are far too many arguments and misunderstandings between us. I no longer have 24hrs for her. I admit my heart and soul is now divided between business and family. While business has taken a toll on both my mind and my body, I seek asylum from my wife and when I do not have any comfort or sympathy from her, I complain. It's hard on her as she is a simple lady whom wish for simple family life. I failed to fulfil my duties and responsibilities. How I wish she can be happier but I'm trying the short cut, I'm trying to make her feel less upset. Will god ever give me a clearer path in life if there's really one. Please teach me how to balance work, life and family. Is it possible or is it really only for the strong l, powder full beings that's far beyond my reach. I envy other couples. So happily ever after. Why are there only unhappiness for my wifey?

2 months without a job

No money and commitment makes a life very dull and meaningless...

Drifting away

I drifting further and further away from my darling...

I m a Graduate now!

I should be extremely happy. I have just accomplished a milestone that none in my family has ever achieved. I finished my last paper on 7th May and unofficially I declared myself as a graduate since I believe my results will not turn out to be that bad that I have to be retained ba...fingers crossed...hahaha...nonetheless sticking to my motto...fun first den worry...i went to taiwan for a holiday on 8th..just returned from heaven...oooO..super shiok de la..lotsa fun over there....

But as my adrenaline dies off, I have to face another challenge. In fact, there are more than one tedious chores I have to attend to. Job hunting is one of them..but it seems like my character makes it very hard for me to really worry. I'm those type of person who can so easily forget all worries...but never mind, I love challenges...I will overcome all obstacles and achieve my goals de...chiong ah!

My life is a joke...

I have no other means to express my feelings but to talk to a cold screen. So much injustice and a thousand words will not be sufficient to describe my grievances. Life is so unfair. People flirt around, fool around or even commit adultery but they went unscathed. I don't even think of it but I am being accused of being a liar and a bastard. I am lousy. I felt worse. A guy not worthy of anything. I am such a failure. I don't seem to get things right. Job hunt is not looking good. My mum is furious with me because I didn't spent enough time at home to pack my stuff. My sister hates me because when I attempted to pack those stuff, I created some unwanted hussle along with it. My final year project deadline is pressing hard and I even had to wake up early in the morning at 7am just to go my friend's house to do the fyp project. I spent more time in school nowadays but never attend lessons. Guess what....I meet my professor to discuss my fyp and not my studies. In class, I never understand what the professor said because I didn't revise before I attend lessons. Where did my TIME go? This is my question for the entire year. I spent too much time on irrelevant stuff. I am going to get charged in court for my absence for RT. Crap!~ But I still have to face the worst scenario. ( going into detention barracks) I didn't tell anyone...I was feeling so terrible the whole day because of all these troubles but I still have to act nothing has happened and continue to be joyous...what a joke....Perhaps I'm too weak mentally and crumbles easily. Confidence now is certainly at all time low. Putting up a strong front in front of my friends, family and Yvonne is killing me. I am stresssed..........I tried my best to coax her but she still wouldn't believe what I said.....7 years of relationship and yet she still doubt me...what a failure.....I think a dog is better than me because even if he urines in the house, he do not need to act like a DOG and pacify their master to forgive them........human beings are too smart to enjoy the same benefits. But our lives are definitely much worse off than theirs....It is just like crying without tears. All have dried up. My soul is sunk to the deepest point of the sea. I no longer see hope.

Empty

I'm realli confused...life is in total mess now...only 1 hr of gaming can relieve my mind temporarily off all the stress. My mum is always nagging me to do this and that, saying that I never grow up...I dont dare to get money from daddy becos he always blame me for spending too much...I have no money...very at wits end...I feel damn terrrible...I cant seem to get things right....I sucks...my morale is going down...down....I am a CHeerful person in front of others...1 that doesn't care abt anything...but in fact alot of things are always going around in my head...buzzing and oozing my nerves...I try to be the source of happiness for those around me but I have forgotten what is true happiness myself..everyone hates me....I guess I am realli a failure in relationship.

why cant 1 understand that I dont express my love through fluffy stuff...those little things that I did everyday are meaningless....I dont like to say openly to other pple what I did for my loved one and everybody start to have the impression that I do not care...but who realli understand me? I may appear to be nonchalant but I realli do think about the gifts and stuff....I am trying very hard already but the gift is not even out...the intended person has lost the patience...I am devastated....am I a loser?

NOTHING

I need to grow up!

Dejected

I just received the rejection email from UBS. I guess the role that I applied for required much better results than I expected. It's so disappointing as the online test I did last night appeared to be very easy. Confidence level is once again at all time low and the hunt for job continues.

A lousy day

A very challenging day

I have trying to curb my temper for the past few days. Sometimes when everything goes against you and you have nobody to tell, that feeling is quite annoying. I think life has too many misunderstandings to begin with. So many endings are determined by your every decisions at different situations, junctures and at even just a split second moment. Every little details matter, at least to some, especially me whom is super sensitive to the surrounding. Haha..maybe that's my strengths? I must apologise to all that I offend unknowingly and I must really tell them that I don't mean anything bad. Is there a right and wrong area? A lousy mood sums up the day

My heart bleed for my friend

My friend told me about his quarrel with gal friend. He said that his gal friend complained that he rather go for his friends' birthday party rather than go her house during a very busy period for my friend. Even though my friend often accompany his gal friend and even went over to her house whenever he wants to see her or send her home after her work. When she is sad or feeling unwell, he will buy things for her and tries to cheer her up. Once he waited 1 hour plus for her at Dhouby Ghaut during times when he is very busy but he did not say to anyone except me. His gal friend always feels that he treat us better than her. But the truth is it never happen at all. He met his friend once because it's his birthday and that friend is his long time buddy(10yrs). On another incident, he met his group of friends during his grandmother in law's funeral. How ironic? On every other ocassions when he tries to squeeze time for her, no one knows. His gal friend does not know where the time for to accompany come from. It simply comes from his own sleeping time, his own entertainment time, including his family and friends time. I believe everybody needs friends. We are warm blooded social animals. My friend does not blame his gal friend for accompanying her family when he wants to meet her. He understands because he loves her. He never complains about her gal friend not being to do this or do that because he loves her. He don't need anything from her as he only needs her company and listening ears when he is feeling low or stressed from work. He tries his best to accommodate everybody in his life but he realised that everybody is in the end unhappy with him. He has forgotten how to love himself. I urged my dear friend, learn to love yourself and do not care so much about other pple's feelings. Only after so, your life will be happier and better. If you love your gal friend, ditch all your friends. You can only have one thing in your life - love. Unless one day, she decides to leave you then you may realise that your world is so empty. My friend is always hoping that his gal friend will understand his stand and stop questioning his love for her. I will urge my friend to buy a calendar and start to jot down every hour that he spent with his gal friend or talk to her over the phone as a measure to prevent over favourtism of friends. There is no room for friends.