I love Ivon

If anything were to happen to me, the last word I want to say to Yvonne will be "remember me only as a good friend"

My life is a joke...

I have no other means to express my feelings but to talk to a cold screen. So much injustice and a thousand words will not be sufficient to describe my grievances. Life is so unfair. People flirt around, fool around or even commit adultery but they went unscathed. I don't even think of it but I am being accused of being a liar and a bastard. I am lousy. I felt worse. A guy not worthy of anything. I am such a failure. I don't seem to get things right. Job hunt is not looking good. My mum is furious with me because I didn't spent enough time at home to pack my stuff. My sister hates me because when I attempted to pack those stuff, I created some unwanted hussle along with it. My final year project deadline is pressing hard and I even had to wake up early in the morning at 7am just to go my friend's house to do the fyp project. I spent more time in school nowadays but never attend lessons. Guess what....I meet my professor to discuss my fyp and not my studies. In class, I never understand what the professor said because I didn't revise before I attend lessons. Where did my TIME go? This is my question for the entire year. I spent too much time on irrelevant stuff. I am going to get charged in court for my absence for RT. Crap!~ But I still have to face the worst scenario. ( going into detention barracks) I didn't tell anyone...I was feeling so terrible the whole day because of all these troubles but I still have to act nothing has happened and continue to be joyous...what a joke....Perhaps I'm too weak mentally and crumbles easily. Confidence now is certainly at all time low. Putting up a strong front in front of my friends, family and Yvonne is killing me. I am stresssed..........I tried my best to coax her but she still wouldn't believe what I said.....7 years of relationship and yet she still doubt me...what a failure.....I think a dog is better than me because even if he urines in the house, he do not need to act like a DOG and pacify their master to forgive them........human beings are too smart to enjoy the same benefits. But our lives are definitely much worse off than theirs....It is just like crying without tears. All have dried up. My soul is sunk to the deepest point of the sea. I no longer see hope.

Life shld be shorter

Sometimes I wonder if life shld be shorter...

Empty

I'm realli confused...life is in total mess now...only 1 hr of gaming can relieve my mind temporarily off all the stress. My mum is always nagging me to do this and that, saying that I never grow up...I dont dare to get money from daddy becos he always blame me for spending too much...I have no money...very at wits end...I feel damn terrrible...I cant seem to get things right....I sucks...my morale is going down...down....I am a CHeerful person in front of others...1 that doesn't care abt anything...but in fact alot of things are always going around in my head...buzzing and oozing my nerves...I try to be the source of happiness for those around me but I have forgotten what is true happiness myself..everyone hates me....I guess I am realli a failure in relationship.

why cant 1 understand that I dont express my love through fluffy stuff...those little things that I did everyday are meaningless....I dont like to say openly to other pple what I did for my loved one and everybody start to have the impression that I do not care...but who realli understand me? I may appear to be nonchalant but I realli do think about the gifts and stuff....I am trying very hard already but the gift is not even out...the intended person has lost the patience...I am devastated....am I a loser?

First paper!

Yesh! I finally had my first paper today. I have been waiting for this day for so so long. Alamak....the waiting had been torturous lo...The hardest paper of all 4...but i managed to finish it before time is up. Hiak Hiak...sibei song~

NOTHING

I need to grow up!

Dejected

I just received the rejection email from UBS. I guess the role that I applied for required much better results than I expected. It's so disappointing as the online test I did last night appeared to be very easy. Confidence level is once again at all time low and the hunt for job continues.