A very tough part of my life.

Today my sales for new stall at Jurong point hit new high 1400.it is supposed to be a happy event but I can hardly smile. There's so many questions in my mind. Do we have enough for year end bonus payout? Can we pull through this very tough year?

But none really bothers me much except for my problems at my own backyard. I don't think I have done a good job as a husband, a father or a filial son. I have failed my duties terribly for trying to handle too much things. I tries to juggle many things in life and in the end, more problems arose. Vonnie mui has been pretty upset with me lately for the changes in our life. Certainly, challenges lie ahead. I fear for the worst as I do not know how to make her feel happier. We no longer laugh like before as there are far too many arguments and misunderstandings between us. I no longer have 24hrs for her. I admit my heart and soul is now divided between business and family. While business has taken a toll on both my mind and my body, I seek asylum from my wife and when I do not have any comfort or sympathy from her, I complain. It's hard on her as she is a simple lady whom wish for simple family life. I failed to fulfil my duties and responsibilities. How I wish she can be happier but I'm trying the short cut, I'm trying to make her feel less upset. Will god ever give me a clearer path in life if there's really one. Please teach me how to balance work, life and family. Is it possible or is it really only for the strong l, powder full beings that's far beyond my reach. I envy other couples. So happily ever after. Why are there only unhappiness for my wifey?

A real home

It has been quite some time I spent time on this blog, writing what I am really pondering over.
Many new events for me so far, I got married with my lifetime beloved, Vonnie Mui and she gave me a very cute little Edward. Things looking rosy when I thought it will be a happily ever after ending.

Recently, I suddenly felt very lost. I start to look for the definition of a real home. A simple definition will be a roof over your head and somewhere you will return to after a long day of work. For myself, I longed for a sense of belonging. Somewhere where I can feel at ease, relax totally and be free from all chains and barriers.

Time and again, I felt so stressed up. I am a gigantic bird trapped in a cage, every moment being tracked and monitored by my owner. Every single action is being scrutinized, criticized and judged. Illusions of a real home soon fade. I am confused whether the place where I go back everyday is a home now.

My only consolations come from my dearest darling and my little son. I hope they give me strength to step up and be brave.

May all of us get a real life out there!

The world is so small..

Haha..today I managed to add 3 of my cousins in facebook.

everything about the last days in australia

When it's time to stop, I have to rest. When the wind blows against my face, I felt refreshed. Time seemed to stop for me. And the picture in front of me looks so pretty and clear.

I want to make sure I do not forget parts of my life

Lately, I have been leading a fairly monotonous life. Knocking off from work, coming back home and switching on my computer, afterwards I will start battling with the computer screen. After a few strenuous hours on mind boggling games, time to go to bed. What a boring life! At times, I start to think, what will life be like if I had done something different today. 

Today is my late grandma's 'birthday'. I had only realized it when I flip through my dusty old calendar in my blackberry. Memories are like photo films, passing through quickly in frames and I felt that I just could not hold on to any of them. When my grandma is still around, many of us used to gather in my home town, Malaysia for her birthday celebrations, Chinese New Year and other festive seasons. However, things changed overnight when she was gone. Years have gone, I no longer shed tears like that time when I send her away but I guess the part that I really miss now is the bond that she gave us.

I started writing again solely because I wish to keep some memories of my life when I age and grow old. When I no longer remember how to do financial calculations, walk or even just laughing out loud. I told myself I need a change. And this is the beginning of it.   

learning curve bends

coming to the end of may, almost a year since i graduated from ntu, i wonder how much i have grown. one thing for sure, my learning curve has flattened out. at this very junction, im deciding whether to move on and look for a new role or continue and stay in this comfort zone.

crap..f*** it..lets go back pangkor for a short holiday! hhaha..every year during this time, i hope to go back and visit this very special island. even though, there are little memories there, it still has a special place in my heart.

Old lady on the streets